Finishing a day of hairdressing. Ugh. Lovely people, easy work (after doing it all these years) but just ugh.
I'm tired. Feeling weak. Need to sleep. I took myself to the cemetery today to visit Dad. I was so tired I set my alarm and slept in the car for half an hour before I was off to my next clients.
Recently, I: have been soul searching, jeez I always seem to soul search. The answers are now coming. Yesterday I went along to a medium for a reading. A respected person who is well known in his field. He was amazing. I felt at home for a couple of hours. It's totally changed a lot.
During the reading he asked if I'm a counsellor. "Well, no, but I am a kind of coach" I informed him. Not quite knowing how to put it.
By the end of this genius reading I had the guy asking me for help with his words. He wanted me to coach him. He is blind. He could only form an opinion of me by everything other than sight. Anyhow I digress. Driving around today I have had time to think between clients. Looking back to old old times, we took time to groom ourselves, to cook properly, to eat well, to sleep. Now it's all stress and hustle and bustle. My crohns gut can't handle it. I'm super tired constantly. I need help with my diet, my house. I am hiding out here in Marks and Spencer cafe as I can't face going home. Its chaos there. Along side that reason, I just really wanted to write a bit....you understand. You know me well enough by now to know I just have a need to write.
Finally I have figured stuff out. I am a person who used to get so much out of working like a horse but that was all i ever did. I ate on the job, I was cooked for, I didn't have to shop, the house didn't get messy as I was never there. Now, I have a messy house which gets messy when I'm not there yet it's up to me to sort it. I am not that well. I'm trying to sort mums life out. Selling her house, as well as the contents of it. It's all too much.
Now, with the coach comment and the fact of how I feel I know where I'm going and what I'm doing. I'm going to coach folks on a retreat. This is a retreat I will own. We will talk all sorts of things. I will swim at the pool. I will walk in the nature. I will write and eat healthily. I wish I had the words to describe how I feel but it's like I'm in heaven. Life is taking me to an amazing place I have never felt I have been before. It's making sense. Finally.
