Saturday evening saw me attend a showcase of readings from this years current MA writers. One of them blew me away with her story of post modern day apolocalptic world. Gave me thoughts but also gave me the image of life as they ended with 'she lives in Broadstairs and writes there.' I love Broadstairs, I studied there when I was 16. Lost my virginity there. Too much information perhaps. Yet within my head comes this stuff I feel compelled to write. Sitting next to the authors 20 year old son, I tried to ask questions which would point me towards how stressful this degree might be.
Currently not sleeping, suffering quite dramatic amounts of palpitations (if I didn't know better, I would be heading to A and E at least 3 times by now) and feeling strange feelings within my body which I convince myself something is really wrong with me. Yet. I know all of this is stress related.
To take on another degree might see me as crazy.
Wanting this stress to be void from me.
Last night I researched many people who have made a success of things despite being qualified to do so. They are consistent. They are definite about what they say and where they are going. This is what I need to do. I'm passionate about chronic disease and health through nutrition. I want to write about that for sure. DO I want to be known for writing romance too? How can those two things cross over? Or do I set one up as a total pen name? Seems rather sad to do that when I'm very much set up with a good platform online.
Sensing a need to get away from it all and off to my friends in Bosnia Herzegovina as they would have some answers. This is my one downfall, it's the inconsistencies. Hearing the author write on her blog (I wasn't stalking, it was research!) "I've loved it and I've hated it." Is exactly how I would describe my current BSc degree. I'm concerned I would have chosen the wrong thing, be overly stressed and regret it.
This morning sees me drive my daughter to college and head to starbucks to sit and write this kind of stuff. This is the sort of thing I could do all day long, happily. Yet I also see myself on book tours and I also see myself giving talks on nutrition and making videos of such.
What do I want to be known as? I just don't know. I know I would like to earn some money. Currently I'm helping the twins with their businesses too. This takes time but do I want to be known for this? Is this something we will do together over the years or do I simply help them get started on what they want to do? Do I use a pen name, oh I don't know, here I go again round and round in circles.
You see then we are also at a place of being able to invest in property and get a pretty good income flowing from that. If only we could make it all enough. Then would the nutrition degree be a waste of time? Not really, would it? It's something I can always go back over and pick up and do something with. Although this said, the blog seems to really be gaining some momentum about the things I love and enjoy talking about and if this is simply a way to go for the future then why not?
Today, my gut feeling sees me wanting to write under the pen name, not as a secret you understand but just so my readers know under which hat they are looking at me and what they can expect to get.
My one other fear is that my writing will change. While I'm sure it will change for the better, I am the person who can't really be overly bothered with edits and taking ages to do everything. I kind of like to get the job done...then again, it will be worth making those edits. Oh I dunno. I need to get off to Canterbury now to get this stuff done. This writing course which I'm loving but a massive part of me would happily sit here and keep on writing for a couple more hours. Definitely something I could do over and over.
So what would you do? What's it to be?
