Yes I've a way to go yet. I'm in all sorts of pain and I'm also very exhausted.
Having a day with a thumping heart and feeling very tearful I began to think of quitting this course. Yes, that's it, you heard me right. I was thinking of giving up my dream, but despite the fact that I had promised myself i would not suffer anymore like i did in the last degree, I was feeling so empty and lost and incapable.
I slept for a couple of hours then bravely reached out to a new friend from the class. She was very kind and really helped with some practical tips.
My inbox 'dinged' with a message from one of the tutors. A group message. But something naturally overtook my body and I emailed her asking for help to decide which genre to specialise in. She replied to me with gusto. There were several upbeat sentences with exclamation marks at the end of them and her tone was more than refreshing. She sounded incredible. Instantly I was uplifted. In the past, if you even got a reply from an academic you were lucky. Let alone a positive one!
Beginning to change my thinking slightly, I realised I might be able to do this.
Lighting some candles, i began to look at the course work. True, I don't know much. But I could give this a go.
In a week, if I'm still feeling negative, I shall contact the uni and let them know where my mind is at right now and see if I can get some support and understanding. If not, then I will have no choice but to stop early.
That said, I am worried about my physical health. My blood sugars are high. My pain through my body is bad. My fatigue is awful and mental health is haywire. Yet today, :i have researched what I can do to help some of these and I'm really motivated to try. I must x
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