On my Youtube channel we have been discussing the fact that I'm starting dating.
Well, yes, this seems irrelevant to blog writing about writing and my work in progress but you see it is actually very relevant indeed! Not only am I now opening myself up to experience matters of the heart once again but I am also opening up to sitting here in the library falling asleep at the keyboard!
My writing seems to have come to a slight standstill and I'm concerned. The MA at university has been good for so many reasons but also has stopped my creative flow as I am now having to think hard about what I am doing and I'm swaying away from my genre on multiple regular occasions. Should I just ignore the bits I don't feel like doing and crack on with the others?
Aiming for a good blog and Youtube audience is something which has always been on my radar and I could edit and write blogs all day, every day. As well as my stories of course. Perhaps taking things down the academic route is something which might be disrupting my flow. Even now, sitting here freewriting to you guys with the flying fingers over the keyboard, I feel happy. Tired, but happy.
The issue with dating and being a person who paints these pictures in her head of exactly what happened when (it's the writer in me I'm sure!) I find my head is in the clouds and studying seems to elude me. Today is no exception.
Trying to research settings and places within my MA is not really where I want to be right now. So do I quit for the day, go home, watch TV and doze with my dog and my daughter? Of course not, I have said this absolutely every day this week. Nothing has got done. It's all so slow to flow. Crazy.
My other issue is getting to the gym. I'm so motivated right now to work hard and get myself as strong as I can be. Another hospital letter dropped through the letter box, enlightening me to the fact that my Ankylosing Spondylitis is also now in my knees. So I really must put health as a number one without any doubt. Nothing else can come first.
Don't get me wrong, while last nights gentleman who has put those clouds over my head was extremely lovely, I'm now left here wondering if everything was ok or should I give up the entire thing and push on with my work. Guys mess with my head. But times when you just sit together chatting, loving, eating and drinking is so indulgent and precious and I totally love that. For me, it was escapism. Not only did I need it but it was completely consuming.
Work? Or life? Big question.
