As you may have seen on my last blog post here, I am struggling.
There have been a few moments of epiphany. One was the dream i had where a nurse saw me in my lab coat and called me "Dr". Right after a wonderful conversation with Sharon, a new friend who is studying a Phd in nutrition. She said she is happy for me to spend some time in the lab with her. I still want to see what this phd stuff is all about!
We had a great day at uni on Thursday and I understood EVERYTHING! This is the first time I have felt like this in absolute ages. I am getting to the point of knowing who I can turn to and who I absolutely shouldn't at uni.
Still been struggling with the lady who is more political than me and sent me insults recently. Yet I have decided to not be too involved with her and instead I just am polite and pass the time of day.
The past 3 weeks I have not been in to the Biochemistry lectures. I just can't face it. IT's all too hard. I did consider sitting at the back of the room just to sign the register and spend some time reading through the lecture notes of the weeks I have missed.
Biochemistry is my toughest subject. Last year it was chemistry but I 'get' that this year. And I'm even starting to love it. The way that we have learnt it comes into food composition and makes the food what it is has been fascinating.
Finding out out that we only have 5 more teaching weeks of uni was really the deal breaker for me. 5 weeks of struggle or a lifetime of regretting giving up on university. I would far rather struggle through for 5 weeks.
Speaking to my osteopath (more on that shortly) who was also a mature student with other commitments, I realised that she totally validated how I am feeling. She also made me realise that what I am doing (taking each deadline ahead and dealing with that one) is exactly what I need to be doing. To try and plan too much in advance seems too tricky. And so this is how I am going to work things. One deadline at a time. Feels like I want to type "sweet jesus" in there after the 1980's song "One day at a time" but I guess that would make me seem
1. slightly crazy
2. quite old
I want to write so many blog posts on here that I think I will be around for quite some time in the next few days. It's great revision and it will show you guys some more technical stuff too!
This weekend has made me feel brighter. As I write this on a Saturday morning (and I'm publishing this way off in the future) I can let you into a secret! The lovely Scott and I have decided to give things another go after several years apart. He really is my rock and I couldn't be happier to have him in my life. This morning he has to go for an Echocardiogram as he has problems with his heart. WE are both worried obviously. They feel he has an enlarged heart muscle. His BP is high and his heart rate is floating around 95-110 constantly. We already know there is a leaky valve there which is likely to have caused these issues. So after we have gone through that we are off to London O2 arena to see the X Factor tour! We go every year and I'm so excited about that!
Sunday is mothers day. Yesterday, driving through the sunshine I felt happier than I have in a very long time. I remembered to be grateful that I have my mum who is being just delightful right now (she needs me to help with the Dad stuff) and also I am very very lucky to be a mum. After years of endometriosis and infertility I have 2 wonderful IVF twins who are my world. So mothers day promises to be a day of eating well and loveliness.
So nice to be able to write more positively. Although as promised, I must post here about the Osteopath news!
Meanwhile, sending best wishes
No comments:
Post a Comment