PhD starts here
Awake fifteen minutes later than I asked my subconscious to rise, I remembered. You know that few minutes between being awake and the time when all feel peaceful? I smiled at that feeling.
Ph.D. researcher. In a subject which I think, and hope, I’ll love.
My routine was planned. Up at six, bath bomb bath, make up, dressed, kettle, at my desk by seven for an hour writing and journaling before beginning the new role at eight.
Today, it’s registration.
That wasn’t going well. They had stated that I had a ‘pass’ on my MA results. Cheek! It was 1% from a distinction. So made a note in the ‘notes’ section. Informing them that it was a Merit. And that put a halt to everything! The system didn’t like my justice. It said I was unable to register.
I didn’t quite know who I should ring about the registration issue, but I tried lots of different numbers. After lots of holding, listening to the same tune over and over (which amused me), I managed to get hold of a very helpful lady. I didn’t quite catch her name with her accent, and I didn’t quite catch the department that she said I should be speaking to either. It was tricky for me to try and understand what she was saying,
“can you spell that please?” I asked, but even with the spelling, I didn’t understand. Even she said she doesn’t know what it stands for. I used the email address she had given me and tried to contact them to say that there was a problem with my registration.
Despite my best efforts to get the registration done nothing seemed to happen by the end of the day, I promised myself I would finish at 2 o’clock. Just before five, I started to pack up for the day. I felt it prudent to tidy my desk, take away the empty cups, throw the matches in the bin, from the morning when I lit a candle. I would know that by the following day I will could begin with a tidy desk.
I’d forgotten that I had Mike Dooley‘s course in the evening which was all about manifestations. That was golden. He told me things that I didn’t think I hadn’t known about the law of attraction, and manifestations, and at the end of the course which was an hour and a half long I had ascertained what I needed. I was about to get very general about what I wanted. It turns out I want to live in complete bliss and joy. And I began to wonder if the frustrations from the registration situation had got me in a place where I was too late to turn back. Was this going to fill me with bliss? I wasn’t sure of the answer yet, but I did know this was absolutely the best scenario for me to be in. Oh, my undergraduate science degree didn’t quite fit it didn’t quite suit me, it didn’t quite seem to be gelling as well as I would’ve liked to. I think because I was possible least that it’s not just about one thing for one solution it’s about a holistic approach and they didn’t seem to agree with me with that in the science department sometimes. However, now we can look at things as a holistic approach with this new Ph.D. system, as well as bringing in the creative writing skills that I gained from my MA. With the MA it seemed that that course was better suited to those who wrote fiction. But for me it’s all about life stories, that’s all I read, it’s all I ever seem to want to write about as well. Although I have enjoyed dabbling in some fiction, non fiction is my ideal scenario. It’s great to play with stories and characters, and live out fantasies through them. Ultimately talking phenomenology of Covid and Crohn’s patients is going to be ideal. It brings in mindset and belief systems and perception. Wayne Dyer said, open “when you change the way you look at things, so things you look at change.”
I loved his work. He was so gentle. And I really do believe that you can change the way things are by the way that you look at them. Although I must be super careful that I don’t bring this into my PhD work as the Ph.D. participants are sharing their own experience, And I need to tell the story as if it is their experience. So that the reader can walk in their shoes.
