Not coping well

Having not written here for way, way too long, I have just woken from a dream that sent me here to let me fingers do the talking. 


Since I last blogged in this journal, my lovely father has passed away.  

Very long story.  One of neglect once again from the medical system.   As this blog isn't about that I won't dwell too much on it. You can read about it in my personal blog here. 

However, obviously this has been a very difficult time on a practical level as well as an emotional level.  University have been less than helpful and I'm at a point (hopefully a temporary point) of thinking I might have to leave.  Despite sending many emails, reaching out for help etc I have had no support.  They have something you can apply for called extenuating circumstances. I've applied and not even had an acknowledgement.  It's been awful.  My programme leader and personal tutor have only replied with condolences.  No offer of help.

Getting to a point of realisation and acceptance, I had decided to just do my own thing as they were not going to help me.

Yet I had missed two weeks of lectures on DNA replication.  Trying to catch up for the third week was near on impossible.  The lecturer was speaking Spanish into my ears.  So I busied myself trying to read all the 'stuff' I had missed.  When she came over and tore a strip off me for being distracted, I found it very hard indeed.  The following week (this week) a woman who should know better tore another strip off me.  Both weeks I had to leave as I was in tears, came home and totally lost the plot with emotions.  

So what do I do now? 

I want to leave.  Correction, I don't want to.  I feel I'll have to.  

While I don't really NEED this degree for the job I want to do, it will give credibility and knowledge second to none.  I want this degree.  Yet can't sit in lectures crying with my anxiety and depression issues.

My wonderful friend has offered to phone the university for me and see if I can do a little distance learning.  If they say no, heaven knows what I will do.  I need to be home more.  Things are not good.  

Sad times.