Post-exam feeling.

Waking up post exams is a nice feeling!
Did I do enough? Lots of big words were involved so I’m hoping so.

At the end of the day my aim was to not quit. I’ve not quit.
A 1st class honours or 2:1 would be a bonus. But I’ve not quit.
The thing about this groovy degree is there are always paramedics around and I video chatted with one last night checking mums legs. They were freezing cold and quite white. Capillary refill is my latest skill I’ve learnt :)
Mum isn’t great but ok. We are seeing the optician today which will be useful. My paramedic friend did say sometimes there are things they just can’t treat and it’s a case of care and comfort (I said that bit in my own words).
So, quick cheeky ten min coffee and I’m hairdressing…

The Snow

12 inches of snow fell overnight.

I was leaving the London campus after choir and the songs echoed in my head as I made a new friend who is one cracking solo soprano and i was taking her home due to the weather. It was forecast but we left London with zero snow, drove into it about 20 minutes from home and it got thicker and thicker.  The following morning, a foot of snow...

Stuck.  How was I going to get my essay written?  I wasn't sure.
My son decided to walk to his girlfriends house which meant I could use his desk to sit and write my essay on Iron and Colorectal Cancer.   3 days and nights i sat there. This was a tough essay and the flow simply wasn't there.  I didn't change clothes, or shower. I just worked until it was done with some sleep in between.

Finally I submitted it and realised I might be able to concentrate on learning Mozart for the choir concert.  Until a 'chasing' email popped into my inbox as my dissertation supervisor was 'worried about me'

I would get it done, this I knew.  But right at the ping of the inbox, I wanted to cry.

Bank Holiday revision

After much panic (needed panic?)  I am sat at university on Bank Holiday Sunday.

The weather is streaming sunshine outside.  Yet here I am revising.  Thankfully things are starting to click into place and I feel like this is what I need to do.  To just brave it out!

At university we have been discouraged from using  the internet.  Especially you tube.  Yet last year I felt it really helped so much.  Two friends of mine (one from last years uni and one from this year) both suggested I use Youtube.  So I have.  Sitting here with my headphones on and watching youtube.  Making notes and hoping to get around to writing up some bullet points.

All the while I am sharing these videos over on my Science of Nutrition Facebook page.  I hope it will help some of you guys too.

After previous disappointing results, I have really been going to town beating myself up about this.  Silly.  Silly me.

Yet the family have needed me as we have been taking Scott through a series of heart operations, tests and issues.  Of course I'm still there for mum as we get used to life without Dad and now on top of these types of dramas my car has gone wrong.  Not good as I need to pay a small fortune to fix it.  But good as I am now getting a new one!  Wonderful.  Excited.

Meeting up with my personal tutor and the mental health team on Thursday.  Just to get some support.   A little rub on the arm and a 'come on Louise, you've got this' will help massively.

Panic.  Breathe.

Really losing it - poor results

Ok sit tight for a bumpy ride on this blog.


There is  a desperate need and desire inside to actually share a load which is a burdensome load.  Things at university are not going well.

Last year in London, I was an A student.  Except for chemistry which was tricky.  Then I still passed with 56%.

This year, not so. 

i'm struggling with silly results and if I pass, I will only just pass.  This is not the way I operate.

Results today were from a nutrition essay.  Nutrition.  And Essay.  My thing.  My thing?
The title was "What are the role of

Essay over, next essay begins while I take steroids

Thank goodness for that.  

The meiosis essay has been handed in and lets await the mark.  I can definitely see areas for improvement but it was like pulling teeth writing that essay.  However, I have learnt loads from writing it and I see loads of research needed is to do with genetics so I guess I might have to learn even more.  I'll keep you posted and update the last blog post when the result comes through.  I usually float around 50-60% so hope for another.... I'd love to improve my scientific essay writing.  Poles apart from blog or novel writing and it's been such a massive eye opener for me!  Not my favourite thing.  It's all Facts, Facts, Facts.  No creativity.  Needs evidence base to back it up!  None of this imagination stuff.  

That said, I spent a little time yesterday afternoon doing a bit of research to decide where I may like to take my career in the field of study.  Would I go do a masters in dietetics?  Or another thing to add into the mix is learning that a PGdip (post graduate diploma) is enough to get registered as a health professional (HPC) as a dietitian.  This still takes lots of placement time running around hospital wards and I'm just not sure how much I'm up to that. Been working on my health and fitness but more about this shortly!  Looking at a PhD I could see that some PhD's didn't require either registration with HPC or a masters degree.  A good mark in a BSc honours would do the job. I really want to be one or the other or both.  Realistically I can see it being a PhD.  London met where I studied last year do one that you can do partly distance learning.  That sounds fantastic.

The government are setting up a new system to take on more health professionals.  It will enable a loan rather than a bursary which will free up a little more money to be able to be spent on tuition fees. Great news for the NHS who need good people.  

So I definitely need to knuckle down and get those grades better to enable me to apply to continue my studies.  Research into Crohns disease excites me.  Relating to food perhaps? Maybe more niche as in the effects of sugar on crohns disease...

Talking of which.  It saddens me to say I've had to resort to taking steroids for the first time in my life.  Between events in my personal life and that time of year at uni (perhaps coupled with food I would be better off not eating) my Crohns is heading into a flare up.  This means act fast, get rid of it.  I always have controlled this with diet before but I will accept that little bit of help.  I'll keep you posted. Watch this space.  

Meanwhile, the next essay begins.  The role of fat in the diet.

Not coping well

Having not written here for way, way too long, I have just woken from a dream that sent me here to let me fingers do the talking. 


Since I last blogged in this journal, my lovely father has passed away.  

Very long story.  One of neglect once again from the medical system.   As this blog isn't about that I won't dwell too much on it. You can read about it in my personal blog here. 

However, obviously this has been a very difficult time on a practical level as well as an emotional level.  University have been less than helpful and I'm at a point (hopefully a temporary point) of thinking I might have to leave.  Despite sending many emails, reaching out for help etc I have had no support.  They have something you can apply for called extenuating circumstances. I've applied and not even had an acknowledgement.  It's been awful.  My programme leader and personal tutor have only replied with condolences.  No offer of help.

Getting to a point of realisation and acceptance, I had decided to just do my own thing as they were not going to help me.

Yet I had missed two weeks of lectures on DNA replication.  Trying to catch up for the third week was near on impossible.  The lecturer was speaking Spanish into my ears.  So I busied myself trying to read all the 'stuff' I had missed.  When she came over and tore a strip off me for being distracted, I found it very hard indeed.  The following week (this week) a woman who should know better tore another strip off me.  Both weeks I had to leave as I was in tears, came home and totally lost the plot with emotions.  

So what do I do now? 

I want to leave.  Correction, I don't want to.  I feel I'll have to.  

While I don't really NEED this degree for the job I want to do, it will give credibility and knowledge second to none.  I want this degree.  Yet can't sit in lectures crying with my anxiety and depression issues.

My wonderful friend has offered to phone the university for me and see if I can do a little distance learning.  If they say no, heaven knows what I will do.  I need to be home more.  Things are not good.  

Sad times.