Failed year 2!!!!!!

You have NOT passed.

In capital letters.  Nice.  Cheers.

So helpful.  They don't give a crap!

All I have been through.  The death of Dad, the heart attack of mum,  myocarditis of husband, (Ish husband) and they write it in capital letters.

Ok it's sideways but you can still see the words NOT..

Jeez they said there would be nothing on metabolic disorders and there was.  One exam failed.  It wasn't even an exam, I passed that, it was a test....just a test....
Frigging lack of help.  Honestly.....

I'm so super angry.

I had extenuating circumstances on everything and still they wouldn't let that little 5% go....

5% damn you!

I hate the system, I hate that they speak so badly to everyone. I hate that they don't help and have no beating hearts inside them.  They are horrid people!
I started out on this course to stop myself pining for a baby.  Mum and Dad were travelling the world on their little journeys of life and now look.... yet no help at all.

Do I retake then defer year 3? I might.

Or get a girl friday for an apprentice to take care of mum, the house, the social media sharing?  That might be possible....hmm....options.  Now that feels better!

My results are all in

So it seems somehow, I passed.

Amazing news isn't it?  There was just one disappointment which was Biochemistry in my exam.  22%

22%? Well I felt I had done so so so much better than that.  Yet, worry not, I do feel I understood the content and I also passed the module as the other elements were great marks.  Pleased for sure!

Overall a 50% pass for Biochem.  Not bad as I missed so much of that.

The other results were amazing.  My PDP (the thing I added blogs to) got a whopping 85% which I was really so super glad about. I was hoping for a great score there.

Nutrition exam came away with 67%.

All modules were at the very least a 2:2 and most a 2:1.

This first year doesn't count towards the final grade marks yet I have learnt so much about what I may need to do to get a first (I'd love one of those!) and to be honest, I know it's not going to be handed to me on a plate.  Yet it seems incredibly possible depending on what else you might have going on in life.  For me, I need to work a little less on people's hair styles and spend far more time reading and in the library.  This coming year should be far far more interesting. Much less about the core science and more in which I'm hoping to relate to.  Immunology, cancer, metabolism etc.  I am doubly sure I will be learning so much about myself too and how I can help myself with my own health and diet - she says as she takes a sip of her latte - which would be amazing.

Emailing my tutor who was going to show me some good examples of well written papers and essays got no reply.  Well, it is the summer holidays.  My brain is a little tuned out too!

Yesterday I took a call from my mental health advisor from uni who is quite on the ball in all departments.  She is keen for me to continue to take care of my mental health and feels my physical health is all part of the difficulties dealing with the mental.

To be totally open on this blog though, I have definitely realised that I need to be comfortable in the skin I'm in.  I'm a person who loves to be at home, sitting at my desk and not being overly social in public.  That's just me.  It's who I am.  Realising that has enabled me to create a much better inner peace.  Ok, so here's the hippy in me showing through now.

I have so many super ideas on how I can create my ideal life and living from the beauty of my laptop. I am super keen to make this happen.  It just may mean some more late nights, which I am not so great at.

Today, my son takes his last GCSE and in two days, my daughter finishes too (did I mention they are twins?)  I cannot help but feel like punching the air saying "I've done it!" as I realise I actually lived long enough to watch them grow up!  Sounds daft now but when they were tiny I was an anxiety filled mess who really wanted to live long enough.  I would lie awake counting my heartbeats as it pounded with palpitations (these are the days before I knew I was allergic to gluten!).
Next year (early) they will be able to drive which will give me so much more free time.  Although leaving school, they are going to be at college which is directly next to the university! Amazing.

Hoping this will all work out well, I am continuing with putting as much time as possible into my blog posts and youtube videos in the hope that it really doesn't matter how many slipped discs I'm dealing with or what level of arthritis.  I can still work and keep myself doing all the things I love.

I'm excited for the future.  Just wishing I wasn't filled with doubt about me actually being able to make it all happen.

What about you?  How is your future looking?  Are you confident?

Thoughts of the summer holiday.

So here we are at the end of May.  I have been off now for around 2 weeks and things are going crazy inside my head.

Part of me really misses university so so much.  Part of me loves being at home.

Interestingly, I have started to drop some weight while doing not much different. Which does make me wonder about the theory of stress and cortisol.  We know this one by now don't we?  Do we?  Yes we do.  Stress keeps us from digesting stuff properly! I also recently heard about a bit of a craze regarding cryotherapy and weight loss.  Apparently it stimulates leptin in the system.

Interesting stuff.

So, last week I almost moved home.  I was having a big dream about buying this huge house and letting out part of it to create a type of getaway for those who want to either learn to cook, or be cooked for and have a place to chill while doing some country walking.  Yet thinking on, I have decided to stay in my house and hopefully get some home improvements done.  This also brought me to a place of thinking about helping children and giving back, making a difference.  I'm a very loving giving person that only those who get close to me tend to see.  Otherwise I can seem stern, yet I'm not.

Speaking to a client of mine who is managing director of a fostering agency, I might well go down that route.  Sounds crazy I know. I still dream of all the same things I have always dreamt of.  Writing and creating information online for those who wish to improve health through nutrition.  If I can do that while also taking care of a loving little baby who is waiting for it's forever home then what an amazing adventure that would be!

This brings me to a place of thinking should I really go back to university.  The amount of stress I endured and the health issues and even right down to the palpitations, it is crazy.  Then bizarrely as I sit writing this blog, one of my university besties texts me out of the blue to organise dinner with the other of my uni besties.  So the universe works in crazy ways. I really owe it to myself to get registered as a nutritionist and that means passing this degree.  The time will fly I know. And perhaps once this home improvement work is done I can begin the path to foster these sweet little babies.  Who knows....

Bank Holiday revision

After much panic (needed panic?)  I am sat at university on Bank Holiday Sunday.

The weather is streaming sunshine outside.  Yet here I am revising.  Thankfully things are starting to click into place and I feel like this is what I need to do.  To just brave it out!

At university we have been discouraged from using  the internet.  Especially you tube.  Yet last year I felt it really helped so much.  Two friends of mine (one from last years uni and one from this year) both suggested I use Youtube.  So I have.  Sitting here with my headphones on and watching youtube.  Making notes and hoping to get around to writing up some bullet points.

All the while I am sharing these videos over on my Science of Nutrition Facebook page.  I hope it will help some of you guys too.

After previous disappointing results, I have really been going to town beating myself up about this.  Silly.  Silly me.

Yet the family have needed me as we have been taking Scott through a series of heart operations, tests and issues.  Of course I'm still there for mum as we get used to life without Dad and now on top of these types of dramas my car has gone wrong.  Not good as I need to pay a small fortune to fix it.  But good as I am now getting a new one!  Wonderful.  Excited.

Meeting up with my personal tutor and the mental health team on Thursday.  Just to get some support.   A little rub on the arm and a 'come on Louise, you've got this' will help massively.

Panic.  Breathe.

Exam time! Hooray!!!

Can I please bottle that feeling?

Not the feeling you have pre-exam but that feeling where you could happily punch the air with joy.
Knowing you've worked hard, put in the hours, remembered everything and generally been overly a cool geek in order to answer the questions.

Sitting at the desk, reading the paper in front of you.  Knowing you have seen these questions posted before.  Yes!  You know some answers.


This may just be enough to pass.

Year 1 and this is what I need to do.  To pass.   This is the advice I have had from those who know such things.  After a difficult year so far,  I am so proud of myself that I haven't given up and thrown in the proverbial towel.  Imagine.  Being so super disappointed with myself.

So what have I learnt by sticking with it this year?  I have learnt that university is not for the feint hearted.  There is plenty of study to be done outside of the lectures.  In fact I have learnt more by myself in the library than in those lectures.  Perhaps because my hearing has let me down after my previous surgery on it.  

Year 2 will see me working more efficiently in my paid work and spending longer hours in the library.  Hoping to get my twins through their driving tests and on the road as soon as I can so I can stop playing at taxi driver.  This is such a pleasure for me. I love being there for my children yet everything is too much.  I am the first to admit this as I type faster and faster across these keyboard letters in preparation for getting myself back behind the wheel and onto another school run.  

Still, I am left wondering what the future will hold. I am definitely sure I would love to work self employed and preferably online.  Although at times, people seem super keen on what I have to show in the way of photographs which is the strangest thing.  Perhaps as this is just something to look at without too much thought.  Should I do something with that?  I'm undecided.  Perhaps with this also in tow, it could be a paid hobby.

Food wise, my passion still lies with helping those with issues in the gut department.  Allergies are becoming huge.  What can I do with that?
My VLOGs in other countries are very popular.  Is there a way in which I can tap into UK holiday companies?  Go and review the facilities for gluten free and dairy free ranges?

The world is at my feet.  Meanwhile, I will continue to try and discover the central dogma of molecular biology while I write an essay and prepare for Biochemistry exam on Friday.  Already I have a 41.5% mark (a pass) but would like to aim higher than this.  Let's crack out a nice 60-70%.  Come on.  You can do this!

Stages of change model

The stages of change model is often used in nutrition and dietetics.

What does Stages of Change model mean?

It begins with building a solid foundation of recovery.

There are 5 steps:

1.  Pre contemplation

This is where the patient is not actively looking for change.  Perhaps they were not aware of needing a change or have no desire to change.

2.  Contemplation

The patient is beginning to wonder if there may be an issue needs addressing.  Is there  a problem here or not?

3.  Preparation

A plan is being developed to address the problem.

4.  Action

New behaviours are beginning to be implemented to address the problem.  This typically lasts 3-6 months.

5.  Maintenance

Symptom free behaviour continuing the good work!

Week 2 getting to know you

Week 2 of University - Getting to know you.

The campus is not difficult to negotiate.

Parallel corridors engulfed with beautiful dark wood just seem to make sense.  The buildings begin with a P (for Pembroke) or A (for Anson) then the floor numbers correspond with room numbers.  Easy!

This week while there were no lab practical sessions, we found we were off for the day on Tuesday.  Dr Lauren Pecorino provided me with my time filling activity as I began to read her book "Why millions survive cancer."  An excellent book.  Quietly showing me just how much I have to learn about cells.  I aspire to write so confidently as her.

Fellow students in their minority are finding it easy to complain about our insecurities.  We all are trying hard to gather our way into finding answers to things.   Self development plan number 1 - be more tolerant or space yourself further from the negativity.  I must not engage with difficult conversations.   My plan at University is to enjoy my time,  to learn everything I can to facilitate my brilliance as a nutritionist and to keep smiling all the way through,  becoming just lovely!

Chemistry was a difficult subject for me last year.  Worried that this year may prove the same,  I focused hard on the lecture.  A new tutor nervously took the lecture.  Last year, i found I was mostly repeating memorised sentances regarding atomic bonding.  Just enough to pass.  Yet this lecture saw the proverbial 'penny drop' as I realised that a covelant bond was in fact a sharing of electrons.  Aha,  a sharing of electrons.  Now I see clearly!

Writing myself notes,  I reference into Youtube to go and look up Pauli exclusion principle and Hands rules.  These are currently another language to me.

Diary of a Nutrition student

Throughout my research into becoming a nutrition student, I found it so hard to Google anyone who had shared the thoughts, feelings, photos etc. 

I wanted to know how it was.  Was it hard?  What was involved?  What do you wear to uni?

So I have created a blog and Youtube channel which will detail week by week how things are for me on my course.  

I'm taking a BSc Hons in Human Nutrition.  Possibly going on to do masters,  not sure yet!

Throughout my time I will keep videos and blog posts but standby as they will be released at a later date!

I'd love you to get in touch if you are a student too!

Subscribe to follow my video diary here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrQZXrIPkeBlbaCD3xveQbA