Last exam is tomorrow!

So, yes the last exam is tomorrow.
I don't know how I feel and it's super strange to be honest.  
Yesterday I spent a fraction of time (amongst my revision) gathering together photographs of my time at university and adding them to my newest Facebook photo album entitled "University life".
Flicking through -and there are many more to be added- I realised there have also been many wonderful memories.  Yet these are mostly to do with the small handful of amazing people I have met along the way and the fun times to be had at the posh events we have been to!

Autumn in our campus.

Me Stealing Annas glasses in year one!

The Greenwich campus is simply stunning.

Summer ball in year one 

Leavers dinner in year 4

Some people I am glad to never see again. In fact I would go so far as to avoid them at all costs as their nastiness has caused me actual massive emotional turmoil. More than that; anxiety.  One in particular stands out in my memory and to gather the positive aspect from this, she highlighted that I do have actual anxiety and have had for some years.  Yet the most massive panic attack outside St Pancras train station highlighted me to this.  Feeling as though I was going to die, I phoned my husband at the time and said goodbye. 
"Where are you?" He asked and I explained. He cleverly yet unknowingly got me to describe the places I could see,
"There is a McDonalds on the corner and the station is behind me..." He told me to sit down and take some breaths. I didn't have time for that, I had to get to  a chemistry exam.
Two weeks off followed and a host of medication.  Thankfully, I finally stopped these meds recently
Knowing now how we all need to give respect to our mental health, I am able to recognise that this is likely something I carried with me since my bullied days of school.  That's a whole other story and likely a whole other book! Knowledge is power they say. I agree with 'them'.  Now I can spot times of danger with my mental health.  Now I am able to shape my life to fuel my soul and to love my whole self in respect of who I am and what I need to generate happiness and joy within my life.  
Which, after all, is the entire point of being.  

What is life if not joyful?

The actual politics accompanying the academic world have not impressed me. It's simply not what i am about. I'm about heart and love and being kind to each other.  It seems the majority of academics are at university to carry out their research. An important job of course.  Yet I would imagine the difference between being a teacher and being a researcher is a whole host of other skills.  A handful of our academics really seem to care at my university and I adore them for that!

The Exam

So I have a seen exam tomorrow starting at 9:30am.  We know there are 5 questions and we know we answer 3 of them.  I have decided on my questions to be answered and done a little research into what I will write.  Today I am going to write them blog post fashion and publish them over on my nutrition blog. Re-reading them I will hope to remember some of what I have written and let's hope it's right! I've taken the brave a bold step to answer a question from the most harsh marker in the department.  Yet I love the question, the subject and the topic! See the next few blog posts to see what they are and how I have answered them. Of course if you are simply interested in my journal here and not much interested in nutrition then please skip past...

One last thing.  Obviously this work needs to be done in Starbucks!

Wish me luck!

Revision - Main characteristic of Viruses.

NB this is my own revision and I cannot promise accuracy - do research.

Question:
a)  Discuss in depth the main characteristics of viruses

Viruses are not classed as living things as they cannot replicate without a host.  They do not have a metabolism.
Viruses spread using cells.
They have a protein coat called a capsid.
Viruses are very small, much smaller than bacteria.
They are difficult to treat.

b) Give a detailed account of the main events involved in a typical virus life cycle

A virus enters the body and locates a host cell.  As it fuses, it uses the protein coat to enter the cell.  Here,  it enters either a lytic cycle or a lysogenic cycle .  Nucleic acid will be used to reform DNA/RNA and change the genetic material of the cell.
The lytic cycle then sees the cell erupt making copies of the other cells.  Leaving holes in the cell membrane gives ease to apoptosis of the cell as it cannot survive without the membrane.
The lysogenic cycle uses DNA to hide in cells until immune comprimisation occurs.

c)  List factors contributing to viral pathogenicity and to the nature and severity of viral diseases.

Pathogenicity refers to the ability of an organism to cause disease (i.e. harm the host).  This ability represents a genetic component of the pathogen and the damage done to the host is a property of the host-pathogen reactions.

Natural killer cells are lymphocytes, they recognise this virus and kill.
The severity of viral diseases is dictated by the immune response. In several immune deficiency diseases including AIDS NK cell function is abnormal.
NK cells binds to cell and releases toxins which produces holes int he target cells membrane creating apoptosis.
NK cells may also contribute to immunoregulation by recreating high levels of influential lymphokines.

Promise of 2017 - Cardiology

The promise of a new year.  2017.  As the media, the public and the laymen happily rang out 2016 with the wearing of black as we said farewell to the biology of so many talented individuals, we started 2017 with hope.

Everyone being sure 2017 has got to be better than its predecessor. 

My family sighed with relief too as we rang in the new year (me in my nightwear in the middle of a dairy farm in Wales).  Last year was full of worry and tragedy.  Yet we made it through.  Stronger as  a family than ever.  My knowledge of the brain stem, strokes and death far more inscribed in my brain than before as we celebrated the life of my 74 year old father.

We miss him, of course.

With those words of "Mum will live to 100" coming back to haunt me, we rushed her into casualty with a pulse of 45,  stars in her eyes and feeling as though she would lose consciousness at any minute.  

"Heart block" the paramedic had explained.  

The second ECG at hospital showed progession from 1st degree to 2nd degree as they took Mums blood from her bruised vein.  Tropotin was through the roof.  This is an enzyme released by damaged heart cells.  This showed us mum had an MI.  A heart attack.

Her care was fantastic.  Right away, fragmin in her belly, aspirin down her throat and canulas a plenty.  Recussitation trolley all day long gave her a 'bum ache' as she laughed along with the nurses.  This was very serious.  Yet her spirit remained unscathed as I quoted her on Facebook so her friends could see her sense of humour was definitely not harmed.  

A week in intensive care,  a stent in the Right Coronary Artery which was 99% blocked, left one showing a few signs,

echocardiogram showing 'significant damage' to her heart muscle and constant monitoring showing me that she was missing beats.  They called them Blips to Mum.  That was all she needed to know.  I researched and researched and took photos of her trace to send to my contacts in the know.  Turns out their diagnosis via mobile phone was right, Mobitz 2.  

Making the most of Mum,  having her home with us, I was immediately thankful.  Until I realised the sounds of Phil and Holly presenting on This Morning right behind my desk was very distracting.  

Can I cope?  Can I continue my studies, work and look after mum, Scott and the twins?  Of course I can.  I can do anything I put my mind to!

Up against it, yes.  

Not beaten.

My results are all in

So it seems somehow, I passed.

Amazing news isn't it?  There was just one disappointment which was Biochemistry in my exam.  22%

22%? Well I felt I had done so so so much better than that.  Yet, worry not, I do feel I understood the content and I also passed the module as the other elements were great marks.  Pleased for sure!

Overall a 50% pass for Biochem.  Not bad as I missed so much of that.

The other results were amazing.  My PDP (the thing I added blogs to) got a whopping 85% which I was really so super glad about. I was hoping for a great score there.

Nutrition exam came away with 67%.

All modules were at the very least a 2:2 and most a 2:1.

This first year doesn't count towards the final grade marks yet I have learnt so much about what I may need to do to get a first (I'd love one of those!) and to be honest, I know it's not going to be handed to me on a plate.  Yet it seems incredibly possible depending on what else you might have going on in life.  For me, I need to work a little less on people's hair styles and spend far more time reading and in the library.  This coming year should be far far more interesting. Much less about the core science and more in which I'm hoping to relate to.  Immunology, cancer, metabolism etc.  I am doubly sure I will be learning so much about myself too and how I can help myself with my own health and diet - she says as she takes a sip of her latte - which would be amazing.

Emailing my tutor who was going to show me some good examples of well written papers and essays got no reply.  Well, it is the summer holidays.  My brain is a little tuned out too!

Yesterday I took a call from my mental health advisor from uni who is quite on the ball in all departments.  She is keen for me to continue to take care of my mental health and feels my physical health is all part of the difficulties dealing with the mental.

To be totally open on this blog though, I have definitely realised that I need to be comfortable in the skin I'm in.  I'm a person who loves to be at home, sitting at my desk and not being overly social in public.  That's just me.  It's who I am.  Realising that has enabled me to create a much better inner peace.  Ok, so here's the hippy in me showing through now.

I have so many super ideas on how I can create my ideal life and living from the beauty of my laptop. I am super keen to make this happen.  It just may mean some more late nights, which I am not so great at.

Today, my son takes his last GCSE and in two days, my daughter finishes too (did I mention they are twins?)  I cannot help but feel like punching the air saying "I've done it!" as I realise I actually lived long enough to watch them grow up!  Sounds daft now but when they were tiny I was an anxiety filled mess who really wanted to live long enough.  I would lie awake counting my heartbeats as it pounded with palpitations (these are the days before I knew I was allergic to gluten!).
Next year (early) they will be able to drive which will give me so much more free time.  Although leaving school, they are going to be at college which is directly next to the university! Amazing.

Hoping this will all work out well, I am continuing with putting as much time as possible into my blog posts and youtube videos in the hope that it really doesn't matter how many slipped discs I'm dealing with or what level of arthritis.  I can still work and keep myself doing all the things I love.

I'm excited for the future.  Just wishing I wasn't filled with doubt about me actually being able to make it all happen.

What about you?  How is your future looking?  Are you confident?

Thoughts of the summer holiday.

So here we are at the end of May.  I have been off now for around 2 weeks and things are going crazy inside my head.

Part of me really misses university so so much.  Part of me loves being at home.

Interestingly, I have started to drop some weight while doing not much different. Which does make me wonder about the theory of stress and cortisol.  We know this one by now don't we?  Do we?  Yes we do.  Stress keeps us from digesting stuff properly! I also recently heard about a bit of a craze regarding cryotherapy and weight loss.  Apparently it stimulates leptin in the system.

Interesting stuff.

So, last week I almost moved home.  I was having a big dream about buying this huge house and letting out part of it to create a type of getaway for those who want to either learn to cook, or be cooked for and have a place to chill while doing some country walking.  Yet thinking on, I have decided to stay in my house and hopefully get some home improvements done.  This also brought me to a place of thinking about helping children and giving back, making a difference.  I'm a very loving giving person that only those who get close to me tend to see.  Otherwise I can seem stern, yet I'm not.

Speaking to a client of mine who is managing director of a fostering agency, I might well go down that route.  Sounds crazy I know. I still dream of all the same things I have always dreamt of.  Writing and creating information online for those who wish to improve health through nutrition.  If I can do that while also taking care of a loving little baby who is waiting for it's forever home then what an amazing adventure that would be!

This brings me to a place of thinking should I really go back to university.  The amount of stress I endured and the health issues and even right down to the palpitations, it is crazy.  Then bizarrely as I sit writing this blog, one of my university besties texts me out of the blue to organise dinner with the other of my uni besties.  So the universe works in crazy ways. I really owe it to myself to get registered as a nutritionist and that means passing this degree.  The time will fly I know. And perhaps once this home improvement work is done I can begin the path to foster these sweet little babies.  Who knows....

The end of the term

I can't quite believe I'm typing this but the term has ended.

Making it to the end, against all odds I have to say I have given myself a pat on the back and I feel very proud of hanging on in there until it's all over.  Chuffed.  Chuffed.  Chuffed.

Exam time has given me a buzz, as always and I hope I have done enough to pass.  I feel I have.  Not without putting in the time and effort though.  Night after night, day after day I have worked hard in the beautiful university library.  I love it here.  Very grounding and really gets you to work.  What a great space.

What has helped me?

I found that going over old exam papers was by far the best way of revising for this first year.  Many of the questions were repeated and it gave me the skill to learn how to properly read the question and indeed how to answer them too!  I felt that reading over the powerpoint slides again just confused me.

Many of the questions gave us a choice of 10 and we had to answer 7 of them.  About half of these were repeated the past 3 years and me and my classmates came to the conclusion that this way likely to be a pattern for this year too.  Focused, I attempted all of them yet to be honest, I struggled with the renal system (kidneys etc) and couldn't get my head around it despite giving it several hours attention. Instead, I decided to quit trying and focus on other areas where I could gain more confidence and likely more marks.

Feeling very much like I was dreading the biochemistry exam (the last one) I was entering the room slightly nervous.  There was no need though as I honestly feel I really took the bull by the horns and managed to do well as I could have.  I applied for E.C (extenuating circumstances) due to missing so many lectures on this subject.  That all happened around the time that I lost Dad.  Poor Dad.  Sorry to keep blaming you Pop.  Obviously I am/was glad to be on hand to make everything happen in relation to organising the official things.  Mum needed my support that's for sure.

Without having a belief in myself (despite being against the odds), spending time in the library and going over those old exam papers, I'm not sure I would be as confident.  Let's wait and see now but everything crossed, I'll let you know what the outcome is in a few weeks time!

How far we have come

March already.  Where is this first year going at university? My good intentions were to add to this blog each week.  Recording my life lessons as well as my science lessons.  Likely the biggest lesson I learnt was that life gets in the way, even with the best intentions.

When you first begin to fill out that UCAS form,  the type of questions you ask as the applicant are likely to be, “Am I good enough?” “Can I pass?” and the like.  Now, however, it is more like, “Where do I find elastic time to magic some space to write that essay?”

Being a firm believer in testing yourself and taking life to the limits in order to learn, I have found a wonderful sense of accomplishment this year.  Simple things have shown me how I learn better as an auditory learner.  Which is a shock as a partially deaf student.  Also, being a lover of technology,  I thought I would fall in love with my new iPad we were supplied with.  However, it seems that this is only one way I find ease in which to record my notes. I still prefer note pads and pieces of paper.

Chemistry is now making sense!

After learning more and more about nutrition is showing me how thankful I can be for the extended year zero at London met last year.  I think without that insight into Chemistry I may have found things tricky this year.  As always with life, there are highs and lows and lots still to catch up on laying on my desk.  This first year at university I have found an affection for the beautiful buildings around campus, for the coffee in starbucks and the smiling faces who serve it.  I now know I want to do well,  have had to lessen the burden of this by lowering my work hours, and wish to continue my studies upon successful completion of this Honours degree.

Here’s to the exam period and the second year.

Week 2 getting to know you

Week 2 of University - Getting to know you.

The campus is not difficult to negotiate.

Parallel corridors engulfed with beautiful dark wood just seem to make sense.  The buildings begin with a P (for Pembroke) or A (for Anson) then the floor numbers correspond with room numbers.  Easy!

This week while there were no lab practical sessions, we found we were off for the day on Tuesday.  Dr Lauren Pecorino provided me with my time filling activity as I began to read her book "Why millions survive cancer."  An excellent book.  Quietly showing me just how much I have to learn about cells.  I aspire to write so confidently as her.

Fellow students in their minority are finding it easy to complain about our insecurities.  We all are trying hard to gather our way into finding answers to things.   Self development plan number 1 - be more tolerant or space yourself further from the negativity.  I must not engage with difficult conversations.   My plan at University is to enjoy my time,  to learn everything I can to facilitate my brilliance as a nutritionist and to keep smiling all the way through,  becoming just lovely!

Chemistry was a difficult subject for me last year.  Worried that this year may prove the same,  I focused hard on the lecture.  A new tutor nervously took the lecture.  Last year, i found I was mostly repeating memorised sentances regarding atomic bonding.  Just enough to pass.  Yet this lecture saw the proverbial 'penny drop' as I realised that a covelant bond was in fact a sharing of electrons.  Aha,  a sharing of electrons.  Now I see clearly!

Writing myself notes,  I reference into Youtube to go and look up Pauli exclusion principle and Hands rules.  These are currently another language to me.

Week 1 of university

Rain, rain and a little more rain. 

Gosh did it rain.  
Such a shame as we had the most amazing welcome planned for us with a beautiful marquee set up on the Pembroke lawn.  Awfully posh.  I felt it sounded just a little Royal.   

Excitedly,  I straightened my hair to its finest smoothness just that morning and was happy to hear that my new found friend Jules has also done the same.  Neither of us with an umbrella. 
Both of us taking cover in the marquee.  Bravely.  As no one else was! 
They were shyly braving the rain!  

Bacon rolls for brunch.  Yum.  Slight issue there with my gluten allergy. I ate just a rasher of bacon.  

Becky sat with me who was another human nutrition student. She was struggling to eat too as she was vegetarian.  Chatting with new friends, all seemed to be going well.  There was so much to take in on this new day.  Imagining this must be what it's like to move into the Big Brother house on channel 5 tv. Everyone getting to know each other while at the same time being on our best behaviour.  Missing my friends from my old university in this week was a huge challenge.  I was so glad Kathy was there. She was a friendly and familiar face from the last university.  
Yet I wished my Muna and Sheyma were here.  My comfort blankets.  That was all. I would have to learn to get along without them.   

The staff we met on this first week all seemed so professional, smart and totally passionate about their subjects and their university.  Buildings all around with beautiful red brick,  steeped in history of days gone by when this was a historic dockyard.  The place is just stunning.  Surrounded by trees and other green life giving forces.  Opening my eyes to see such beauty more and more as I learn details of the science behind life.  I think I'm going to like it here.