University is OVER

Today is a very strange feeling.  University is over.  Silly me didn't plan anything for the remainder of yesterday and after the presentation and the token glass of wine I felt a little like i was wandering in the dark. Lots planned for today but yesterday was odd.   So Jasmine and I ended up in Creams.  Never been before. I ate pistachio ice cream and the world seemed a better place.
'So what now?' keeps springing into my mind. I definitely need to get clear and laser focused on my forward plan. Today I've a meeting and I'm making some tentative plans forward - next week I have promised myself some down time and some dog walking/gym visit days.  After that, it's nose to the grindstone time.  Much to achieve.  Especially organising my desk and filing away those  bits of research all completed.

Could university have been any more stressful?  The jury is still out on this one but my health kind of only did it's usual thing rather than anything worse so that is a blessing.
Yet the challenges i faced were quite crazy.  From being in a class (my first chemistry class) and realising the guy was speaking another language - then leaving in tears and frustrated panic to being verbally attacked by one woman older than me who felt she knew it all.  This was so disgustingly vile that I actually took a serious decline in my mental health and needing two weeks off following a life altering panic attack.
Finishing that year was quite an achievement.  Moving university was definitely the right thing to do.  Closer to home, a pretty building I could park close to, a chance to pop to the library without the 1h40mins journey each way and a hefty priced train ticket.  The support for the learning wasn't there like it had been in London but it was still the right decision. Settling into that university was quite seamless.  Mum and Dad were busy travelling the world and after an emotional time returning on the last plane back from Egypt we settled into a lovely Christmas.  Soon after, Dad was taken unwell.  4 days in hospital  showed us his decline to the level he was placed into a coma as his wind pipe began to close. His body wasn't receiving messages from the brain as there had been a stroke.  Massive damage to the brain stem which we didn't know at the time. This is the part which controls all the main body functions like temperature, heart rate, breathing, blood pressure. Without it, we cease to be.  An MRI showed us the extent of the damage which was caused by the stroke.  We just needed to wait for the news back from Kings Hospital that this was actually as much of 'a disaster'  as the consultant thought.

It was.
We made the decision as a family to switch off life support.  But this was the twins 16th birthday.  We couldn't let that happen.  So 24 hours after a very difficult birthday, we headed to hospital for a beautiful and heartbreaking transition in Dads life as we said goodbye.  We played him Queen, The Beatles and some other music  I knew he would love. I sang. Not that well.  I talked to him all the way through, "Just let yourself go Dad, I'll take care of things here." He kept himself alive for 3 hours.  We had prayers and the last rites which was the most hard thing of all.  So Final.
Peacefully he took his last breath.  As I cradled his head, Scott announced Dads eyelids had just relaxed. I knew his spirit had left his body.  An instant change was seen in the shell which remained and I didn't want to remember him as anything other than the tanned sun worshipper he was.  So I tucked him in, tickled his feet as he used to do with me as a child and told him to sleep tight.
Steve, my brother, died 18 years before this so it was over to me to organise mum, the twins, the funeral.  Scott was a great support then.  But times change, and his loyalties are elsewhere now. Another heartbreak.  Although at this time, he didn't know he was about to undergo a life threatening illness right after the funeral.  Myocarditis.  This was very frightening.  Many people die of this.  The NHS let him down and Scotts mum funded an excellent appointment to a private cardiologist who instantly told Scott, "You are a very unwell man and I need to prescribe a lot of drugs as a life insurance, here and now."  Without that visit, Scott was unlikely to have made it.  Still he is unwell, but I have been invited to stop taking him to those CMRI's and appointments.  My replacement is a bit useless (he has told me previously) but I can only deal with my own issues now which is rather painful but necessary.