Last day of year 2

Who would have known when this journey began that I would have wished I was as slim as when I started?

I thought I was fat. 

Everyday I pulled on my jeans, put on my make up and straightened my hair to within an inch of its healthy life and I felt I wasn't enough.  I was wrong.

I was happy, carefree and I was good enough.
Looking back on selfies from 3 years ago, I looked healthier and fresher.  This is nothing to do with 3 years of history showing on my face.  Sonia, my PhD friend warned me that this process ages you.  She isn't wrong.

Part of me wouldn't mind.  If it were all worth it.  Yet is it?
What am I reaching for? To be called Dr? For someone to say, "Isn't she really smart?" To prove something to myself?  Well I was called Dr Usher yesterday! Got to laugh, I filled in a form online and decided it would be fun to select "Dr" instead of Mrs. They called me while Scott and I were in Marks and Spencer talking about #examgate (tell you in a minute!), "Is that Dr Usher?" I screwed my face up in fun and mouthed to Scott "Dr Usher" while pointing to the phone.

Beginning way back 4 years ago I had this crazy idea to get a degree. I had been searching for something. I wasn't too sure what.   After a heartbreak and the idea of giving up my dream for more children, I felt I needed something.  My children were 13 at the time and Dad was happy to step up and do a few school runs while Mum was going to start cleaning one day a week for me.  The old, sad heartbroken me was no more.
Fast forward to a couple of twins who need driving lessons and encouragement, a Dad who has passed away and a Mum with heart disease and dementia.  On top of all this, my healed heart is happy spending time with my Scott who has survived myocarditis.  It's all too surreal.  My daughter has had a particularly bad bout of glandular fever (mono) and as for me, more and more diagnosis are coming my way.  Ankylosing spondylitis as well as facet joint arthritis is giving me grief.  Then began the menstrual issues.  Thinking it was age, I got an innocent scan.
"You've got adenomyosis and must be in pain."  As well as that, I have got endometriosis back which haunted me for many pre-child years.  A lovely little chocolate cyst reminds me its there.  Of course the crohns is always my enemy and trying to get on top of allergies when my right eye constantly runs is all a nightmare.
I'm not sleeping past 5am as I am in the living room while Mum is upstairs in my comfy bed.
Who would have thought it?

Daring not to mention my dog Harley and his ulcer in his eye.
A middle of the night vet trip set me back a few quids! Bless him with his shivering temperature and closed eye. He was in so much pain.  Improving now but all thanks to the love I have extended to them all.  I'm shattered.

University has not been supportive hardly at all.  To be honest, one lady has.  She is my boss there.  She understands health struggles and she takes care of us.
My peers have patted me on the back and praised me for not quitting.
3 times I have been encouraged to 'interrupt my studies' but no. I think this far I may have done enough to pass.  Yet todays exam (nutrition) eludes me.

I have nothing more to give.  Honestly.  I have done with revision and I am hoping to go in and do enough to pass.

At this crazy 5.45am blog writing session I am thankful.
For you guys being there to let me get everything out of my head and onto paper. Therapy indeed.
Thankful for the opportunity to develop myself into someone I hadn't realised I was.  Apart from smart and good at maths, I know I have the love and strength in me that I was never praised for as a child.  Always feeling not good enough. I now believe I am good enough.  These struggles showed me that despite the turbulence, I can cope, I can do it well and I can be so loving at these times.

What I can't be is forgiving of university.  One rule for them, one rule for us.  They can use bad english and misspell words, heck they can even be rude in replying to an email.  Yet for us, no.  Don't even go there! Dare not to sign off with your name.  Crime committed.
They have almost ruined my life to the point it is genius.  Never before have I been clearer of where I am going and what I want.  Never before have I realised that even though people think they are better than us, they definitely aren't.
Highlighting that despite paying £9k a year in fees (making us a fantastic client for them) we could not expect good customer service. Woe betide us if we flashed that one at them.

What's it all about?  The journey.

Do I believe qualifications are the be all and end all?  No.  But I'm excited for the future experiences they have led me to.  Going to a place of knowing what I want is exciting!

Why you might be so miserable...

I am so miserable.  Really, really feel unhappy.

I can tell you what it is and likely you have the exact same reason.

You are not feeding your soul.


You know that feeling when you can smile inside?  For me it is stroking my dog or walking among trees.  Well everything feels different for me at that time. I'm sure there is some science in it.  The videos I watch say how you can change your cells with your thoughts...let me see if I can find one and insert it here.

Also, when I was walking within the countryside I could see myself fill up, just look at this video, you will see no glimmer of being miserable.

I do love Louise Hay, she talks about thoughts and how they can dominate our health.  I do agree with this stuff! 

I'm off to the JACUZZI.  This will fill me up for a couple of hours.  What about yourself? 

Revision: Activation of innate mechanism of immunity

Accuracy is not guaranteed, these are my revision notes.


Question:  Give an account of the activation of innate mechanisms of immunity and evaluate its role in ensuing inflammatory processes

The human body contains many physical barriers to infection and pathogens.  Skin is a major defence barrier.  Mucosal layers in membranes such as the gut, respiratory systems, digestive systems generally,  urinary tract are all protected by the physical barrier.  Eye fluid contains bacterial enzymes.
Peptides in skin prevent bacteria and fungi from entering broken, inflamed areas.  However, at  times, things go wrong.

* Pathogen enters intratissue space
Second lines of defence are needed and the toll like receptors give a reaction. (?)

1. Phagocytes engulf pathogens.
2. Neutrophils (the most abundant type of White Blood Cell) consume pathogens and disintegrate forming pus.
3.  Macrophages - move out of the blood to occupy tissues.  Uses cytoplasmic extensions to engulf and digest.
4. Natural Killer cells (NK cells) - patrol lymph and blood looking for abnormal cells.  Uniquely they can kill your own cells if they are infected with virus or have become cancerous.
- identified by MHC1 (lack of it)
-releases enzyme into the cell to trigger apoptosis.

Internal innate defences include
1. Fever
2. Chemical signals
3. Inflammation

Inflammatory response includes
-Redness
-Swelling
-Heat
-PAin

*Mast cells in connective tissues send out histamine which causes vasodilation.  Allowing more cells to the site to fight the pathogen.
*Heat increases metabolic rate so the cells can heal themselves faster.
*Swelling - forms scabs and triggers lymphatic system which cleans up fluid.
*inflammation also attracts phagocytes and lymphocytes
- neutrophils are beginning to die off at the stage
-skin cells release leukocytosis
-if overrun by virus or serious infection, the hypothalamus raises body temperature into fever.  This also flags the liver and spleen to hold onto iron and zinc which can't contribute to bacterial growth.

When things go wrong:

HIV -

Autoimmunity - attack 'self'

Epidemiology - Bias

"Define and specifically discuss the different types of bias within the context of scientific research and their possible consequences in the nutrition field"

Wiki: In science and engineering, bias is a systematic error.  Statistical bias results from an unfair sampling of a population, or from an estimation process that does not give accurate results on average.

Pre-trial bias = Flawed study design, Selection bias, channelling bias
Bias during trial = Interviewer bias, Recall bias, transfer bias, misclassification of exposure or outcome, performance bias, chronology bias
Bias after trial = Citation bias, confounding


How to avoid bias:
Pre-trail bias

Flawed study designs - clearly define risk and outcome. Standardize and blind data collection.

Selection bias - Select patients using rigorous criteria to avoid confounding results. Chose patients from the same population. Avoid selection bias as outcome is unknown at time of enrolment.

Channeling bias - Assign patients to study cohorts using rigorous criteria

Bias during trial

Interviewer bias - Blind interviewer to exposure status and other factors. Standarize interviewers interaction with patient.
Chronology bias - Avoid using historic controls.

#examgate

Group chat:

Woah that was amazing guys

Yeah thank god. It's over and it was good.

What? Are you guys kidding right?

Anna and I were taking our exams in another room.  The other 4 of our group were in the main exam hall.
All in the hall were told to cross out the last 10 questions and were given another piece of paper which was totally nothing we had revised.

Anna and I were just given the usual paper.  Cutting a very long story short, the head of science was rude, defensive and not at all apologetic for this mistake.  Sadly for Anna and I (but fairly) all questions were erased.

The entire thing has all been a nightmare.  I'm getting sick of all this.

Revision: Fertilisation

Please bear in mind these are my revision notes and I can't quite promise their accuracy.  Do your own research too! Typing these out will help me remember as we are heading into a seen exam this afternoon!


Question: Describe the cellular and molecular events that occur during fertilisation

Approximately 200million spermatozoa are released during ejaculation in intercourse, travelling through the vagina and swimming through the cervix propelled by whip like motions of the flagella.  After which  muscular contractions of the uterus direct them to the fallopian tubes.
This process usually takes between 30 minutes and 2 hours.  Around 200 spermatozoa will reach the oocyte in the fallopian tube.  Only one will fertilise.

Capacitation and the acrosomal reaction must take place before fertilisation can begin.  Secretions from he uterus wall destabilise the plasma membrane surrounding the head of the seprm resulting in the membrane becoming more fluid which helps prepare the sperm for the events of fertilisation.  The sperm become hyperactive as they move through the corona radiata and come into contact with the zonae pellucida.  Here, specific receptor proteins called ZP3 triggers the acrosomal reaction during which the enzymatic contents of the acrosome are released.  These enzymes digest a path through the zonae pellucida into the perivitelline space  and reach the plasma membrane of  the secondary oocyte.  Here the fusion takes place.

To ensure only one sperm fuses a fast and slow block is released preventing any further ZP3 being released and therefore preventing polyspermy.  The slow block is depolarisation and fast block sees
 a wave of intracellular calcium being released causing small cortical granules beneath the oocyte membrane to release their contents.  Thus rendering ZP3 inactive making the zonae pellucid impermeable.

Upon sperm entering, the oocyte undergoes Meiosis 2 and further develops into a female pronucleus. During this time the sperm develops into male pronucleus.  The two pronuclei fuse to form one single diploid nucleus known as a zygote.